The Price We Pay for Mincing Words

According to the Oxford Learner’s Dictionary, the idiom to mince words means to choose your words carefully, often softening or modifying them to avoid offending, upsetting, or being too direct with someone.

It looks great on paper, but in reality, when we do it, we often stop speaking our truth. We water down what we really think or keep quiet altogether because we want to avoid confrontation. We don’t want conflict because it might create a rift between ourselves and others.

Many of us learnt from a young age to keep the peace, avoid difficult conversations, and put other people’s comfort ahead of our own. While this may seem like the kind thing to do, it can come at a cost. We suppress our true thoughts and feelings, and over time this can leave us feeling disconnected from ourselves and from others.

But does mincing our words or keeping quiet really bring peace?

What is the price we pay for mincing our words?

1. We create emotional distance

When we keep quiet, we create emotional distance. We become careful about what we say and how we say it. It becomes easier to speak about superficial things or water down our opinions. We stop communicating authentically.

When we are not speaking our truth, we often feel inauthentic. People may be physically present in our lives, yet emotionally we begin to withdraw from them.

2. The body reacts

In Germanic Healing Knowledge (GHK), I learnt that when we experience a verbal argument where we feel isolated, overwhelmed, and caught off guard, our body experiences what is called a conflict shock.

According to GHK, this shock affects us on three levels:

1. Psyche
   b. Brain
   c. Body

From this perspective, mouth ulcers and fever blisters can be linked to unresolved communication conflicts because they can be seen as a biological solution that encourages silence rather than speaking.

Others may explain these symptoms differently, such as stress, lowered immunity, or viral activity. What interests me is why these outbreaks often appear after emotionally charged situations.

At the moment of the conflict shock, our subconscious registers everybody and everything that was present. We may have been eating certain foods or spending time with certain people. The next time we eat that food or spend time with that person, our body may be reminded of the original conflict and react again with a fever blister or mouth ulcer.

My personal experience

I have been quiet for a few weeks because I was travelling to the Netherlands to visit family and friends. It is always wonderful to see everyone.

But I did have to mince my words for two weeks and I ended up with the biggest, most painful mouth ulcer I have had in ages.

It didn’t hurt when I kept my mouth shut. That meant no words going out and no food coming in. But that doesn’t work for very long.

Eventually I had to endure the pain, and it reminded me that I no longer want to silence myself simply to avoid discomfort. There are ways of speaking our truth without attacking others.

How can we communicate even if we disagree?

Now more than ever, people seem polarised on certain subjects. Just talking about President Trump can deeply divide people. The same applies to discussions about the Palestinian-Israeli conflict.

When we are divided, we often feel more isolated and become more susceptible to fear. So how can we stay connected even when we disagree?

Many arguments become verbal boxing matches where people attempt to score points or convince one another. I find those conversations exhausting.

Having our beliefs challenged can feel threatening. It can make us feel unsafe. Yet authentic communication is still possible when people approach one another with curiosity and respect.

There is a communication technique that creates safety and connection while allowing both people to express their views. It works like this:

1. Repeat what you heard the other person say so they know they have been heard.
2. Point out something in their viewpoint that you appreciate or agree with.
3. Build on that by sharing your own perspective.

This approach allows us to speak our truth without turning the conversation into a battle.

I decided to use this method with someone close to me. We held strongly opposing views on one of those sensitive subjects. I was blown away by how easily we were able to talk to each other and find common ground instead of ending up feeling upset and disconnected. It completely changed the tone of the conversation and is well worth using when discussing sensitive topics.

Moving forward

When we do get hurt, it is important not to stay stuck in that hurt.

There are three techniques I use regularly:

1. Diffuse the emotion.
2. Look into the mirror.
3. Forgive yourself and others.

These three practices can resolve many conflicts and often reveal valuable insights about ourselves.

I will be teaching these principles in my online forgiveness workshop on Nelson Mandela’s birthday, Saturday 18 July, from 13:00 to 15:00. Mandela remains a powerful symbol of forgiveness and reconciliation.

Bonus: When you join us, you receive lifetime access. You will receive the recording, and whenever I teach the workshop online again in the future, you are welcome to join at no additional cost.

Discover how forgiveness, reflection, and self-awareness can transform conflict into growth. Use the button below for more information and to join the workshop.